Nil Read online

  I laughed. “Five? Man, I was hoping for ten. But I do like these rocks.”

  “Uh-huh,” was all she said, in that same velvet voice.

  Chuckling again, I said, “Have a seat.”

  She let go as we sat, which pretty much sucked, although it did help to have both hands to wedge the torch into the sand. Then I sat beside her, so close our hips touched, which was a fresh rush all its own.

  The sun was a brilliant orange ball. It hung over the water, centimeters from the horizon. The fading light licked the ocean’s surface like fire.

  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” I said, “but when the sun sets here, it sinks fast. After it touches the water, it disappears in seconds. And just before it drops out of sight, you’ll see a green flash. Watch.”

  For a few minutes, we sat side by side. Not talking, just being.

  Now, Nil whispered.

  The orange ball tapped the water, dropped, and dipped from sight. And there it was—the emerald flash. Then it was gone, like the sun.

  “Wow,” Charley breathed. “That was cool.”

  “Yeah. It’s like the sun’s last stand, like the day wanted to live a bit longer.”

  I wanted to kick myself. I’d asked her not to talk about death, and here I was, doing it for her.

  Charley faced the water, biting her lip, and I didn’t know her well enough to read her. But I knew I’d ruined the moment.

  “Hey,” I said quietly, “you okay?”

  She turned to me. Torchlight flickered in her eyes, like flames on the sun. “Yeah. I was thinking about the green flash and how gorgeous it was, like everything else on Nil. More surreal island beauty. And I was thinking that you’re a heck of an island guide. First the Crystal Cove, then the Flower Field, and now this. You do this often?”

  “Never,” I said.

  “So I’m just lucky?” she teased.

  Not if you landed here, I thought. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Then I had the weird thought that right now, I felt lucky, which wasn’t just weird, it was insane.

  “Hey, other than your family,” I said, “is there anyone special you’re missing back home?”’Cause if there is, I bet he misses you more.

  “Are you asking me if I have a boyfriend?” Her smile was mischievous.

  “Subtle, eh?” I laughed. Usually I wouldn’t come right out and ask, but here, I had nothing to lose but ignorance. “Well?”

  “No.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  She shrugged. Her dark hair blew off her shoulders, making my breath catch.

  “What about you?” she asked. “Any girl back home you’re missing?”

  “No.”

  “I find that hard to believe.” Her light tone matched mine.

  “It’s true. There’s no one for me back home.”

  Watching Charley smile, I was dying to kiss her. Hell, I was eighty-six days away from dying anyway, but something held me back. Something in her eyes.

  Then she shivered.

  “You’re cold.” I fought the urge to wrap my arms around this girl I’d just met less than forty-eight hours ago. “Told you that you were underdressed.” I grinned.

  “I didn’t see any jackets in the Shack,” she said. “And the Gap was already closed.”

  As she rubbed her arms, I made myself ask, “Do you want to head back to the fire?”

  Say no. Say you’ll stay with me. Or better yet, kiss me, and you’ll forget all about being cold.

  CHAPTER

  20

  CHARLEY

  DAY 13, NIGHT

  Thad was so close I could make out the individual lashes framing his eyes. A small scar perched over his left eye. Shaped like a tiny mountain, it dipped into his eyebrow, and my fingers itched to touch it. Watching his lips curve into a lazy grin, I wanted to kiss him—more than I’d ever wanted to kiss any boy, ever.

  But he’d just asked me if I wanted to go back, which meant he probably did. And I was not about to make a fool of myself by throwing myself at a boy looking for an escape.

  “Okay,” I said, but I didn’t move. I was too overwhelmed by the moment and, frankly, by Thad. There were no boys like Thad back in Roswell, and I was definitely not in Roswell anymore. I was on Nil, where you watched the days, counted them down, and lived like you were dying.

  Which we were.

  Maybe I should kiss him after all.

  “Ready? Or did you change your mind?” His voice was teasing.

  The burning torch cast shadows on his face, highlighting his lips and jaw, and I nearly kissed him right then.

  But I didn’t. Because he was the one who’d asked to go back.

  “Sorry.” I smiled, swinging my legs over the rock’s edge. “Just letting everything sink in, I guess.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. It’s like it’s too screwed up to be real. But it is.” Looking away, he got to his feet.

  Night air flooded the space he’d left, leaving me colder than before. As I climbed down, he offered his hand, but let go the instant my feet touched sand. Feeling foolish, I crossed my arms to give my hands somewhere to go. Thad strolled beside me. Each step brought us closer to the crowd, and I found myself wishing I’d said no. No, I don’t want to go back. No, I don’t want our moment alone to end. No, I don’t want to share you with anyone.

  And, as it turned out, I had to share Thad with everyone.

  For the rest of the night, we were never alone. People came up constantly, sometimes to meet me, more often than not to talk to Thad. About nets, about gliders. About Search team choices and Search strategies. About prawns and crabs, about deadleaf and something called taro root. He had answers for everyone, which I noticed because I rarely left his side, or maybe he rarely left mine. And when he did, every so often he’d look over at me and smile, even as someone else stepped up to fill the space.

  Like now.

  I’d just refilled my drink when a boy with stringy hair approached. I remembered his face, but not his name.

  “Charley, I’m Bart.”

  As he thrust out his hand, I automatically stepped back. Bart was one close talker. “So twelve days by yourself. I made it a week before I ran into Julio, but I was holding my own…”

  Sandwiched between Bart and the fire, I felt trapped.

  “… landed by the volcano…”

  Tuning Bart out, I overheard a girl thanking Li for her flower necklace. Thad’s words drifted through my head. She’s crazy good with floral stuff. Li bowed to the girl, then as if she sensed I was watching, she turned toward me. Our eyes met, she gave me an almost imperceptible nod, and in that moment, I knew she’d made my lei. The girl with less than two weeks to live had taken some of her precious time to weave a necklace of flowers for me.

  Sometimes it’s like it’s too screwed up to be real. But it is. Thad was so right.

  “Excuse me”—I interrupted Bart, smiling to counter my rudeness—“there’s someone I need to talk to.”

  As I walked away, he said, “Charley.” His voice was sharp; the cordial Bart was gone. I turned, wondering what brought on the abrupt change.

  He closed the distance between us—too close! my mind cried; I couldn’t help leaning away—and his eyes were shrewd. “About Thad. He’s not all that you think he is. He loves to give newcomers the intro, especially girls. Ask Talla if you don’t believe me.”

  Talla. Her name brought a flurry of images. Big boobs, flat abs, lethal spear. Check.

  “Just a little friendly advice.” Bart grinned.

  But we’re not friends, I thought.

  I stared at Bart, wondering what motivated his “friendly” advice. Something felt … off.

  “Everything okay?” Thad’s voice broke in. The animosity between the two was palpable.

  “Fine,” I said quickly, glad I’d already excused myself once. “I was just going to talk to Li.”

  I left the boys, avoiding their eyes and, hopefully, their drama. By the fire, Li sat alone. She w
as tiny, with the most beautiful eyes that I’d ever seen. As dark as night, they were rich with emotion.

  “Li,” I started, then I faltered, feeling the weight of my flower lei. I’m sorry you didn’t catch today’s gate. I’m sorry you watched Sabine leave instead. I’m sorry you only have eleven days left. I’m sorry for what you must be going through.

  I’m sorry.

  But I didn’t say it. Because I really didn’t know what she was going through. Not yet, and maybe not ever. And I didn’t say it because I didn’t know her, and I’d never have the chance.

  I was sorry for that too.

  She was watching me expectantly, no doubt wondering why I was smiling like a greeter at Walmart but saying nothing.

  “Thank you,” I said. “For this.” I touched my flower necklace. “It’s beautiful.”

  “For tonight,” she said. “Enjoy.” Li smiled, but I sensed she was thinking, Enjoy it now, sister, because it’s temporary. Like how I’d felt at the Flower Field. Enjoy the beauty because it’s fleeting; it can vanish in an instant, and it will definitely disappear in 352 days, whether I want it to or not.

  I nodded.

  She bowed her head slightly, then her dark eyes returned to me.

  I didn’t bow back, unsure what etiquette called for. Afraid of insulting her, I simply nodded again.

  The move made me dizzy. The heat from the fire felt like a pulsing wall—like a freaky nighttime shimmer—only instead of sucking me in, it pushed me away. From the heat, from Li, from Bart. From the whole Nil Night, which had been festive and exhausting. Days on Nil seemed longer than days back home. I knew they weren’t, but they sure felt like it.

  I looked around. Natalie was nowhere in sight. Thad was deep in conversation with Samuel and Rives. The night air vibrated with energy, shared by everyone but me. Me, the newcomer. Me, the latecomer.

  Suddenly I felt more tired than a flag on July fifth.

  I’d made it two steps down the path when Thad’s voice boomed behind me. “You ditching me already? I know, I suck as an island guide. Sorry, Charley.”

  “I thought we agreed. No more sorry, Charleys.” I stopped, letting Thad catch up. “Listen, it’s okay. You’ve got a full plate, and to be honest, I’m a little worn out.” I hated admitting it, but it was true. I was so tired my legs trembled. I began walking again before I fell down. No more fainting for me.

  “So did y’all get the Search plans all worked out?” I asked.

  “What?” Thad frowned.

  “You and Samuel. And Rives. Y’all have been talking for forever, about tracks and hot spots and who knows what else.”

  “And here I didn’t think you noticed,” he said, smiling.

  Was he kidding? I’d spent the whole night knowing exactly where he was. I couldn’t tell if he was teasing or not, but I was too tired to figure it out.

  We reached my hut or, rather, Natalie’s.

  “Thanks for the company. And for this.” I touched the delicate lei. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Not to sound totally lame, but it doesn’t compare with the girl who’s wearing it.” Then he kind of groaned and laughed, both at once. “Man, that did sound lame, but it’s true.”

  “Very lame,” I agreed. “And I hate to break it to you, but I think your vision’s going.”

  “My vision is just fine.” His voice was husky. “Like I said, it’s perfect.” He reached over and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes.

  “Sleep well, Charley with an e-y. I don’t want you to pass out on me again tomorrow.”

  “Not a chance,” I shot back.

  He laughed. “Night.” Then he melted back into the darkness.

  Inside the hut, Natalie was curled on the bed, smiling like Em. Moonlight seeped in, an island nightlight.

  “You should have kissed him,” she declared.

  “Were you listening?” I asked, collapsing onto the empty bed. Nat was worse than Em. No, she was exactly like Em.

  “Of course I was listening. And you totally should’ve kissed him. You only live once, remember?” She smiled broadly. Hope had replaced the earlier shadow.

  “Maybe,” I said. “But it seems like if Thad wanted a kiss, he would’ve kissed me. I’m not sure I’m his type.” And I’m not sure he’s mine, I thought, remembering Bart’s warning. I had no intention of being one of many.

  Natalie’s jaw dropped. “Exactly what type is that? Tall and exotic? Geez, Charley, are you really that oblivious or are you fishing for compliments?” Now she looked annoyed.

  “I’m definitely tall.” I reflexively tugged on my skirt. I’d always heard my looks were “unique,” which meant absolutely nothing. Unique’s one thing, exotic’s another.

  Natalie stared at me. “Okay, you really are that oblivious. Look, I’ve known Thad since his Day One. You should know that he’s there for everyone, but at the same time, he’s kind of distant. He’s different with you.” Watching me, she frowned. “I’m serious, Charley. Thad’s never paid attention to any girl here. He’s been all business, until now. Until you.”

  “Really?” I said. “That’s not the idea I got from Bart.”

  Natalie snorted. “Ignore Bart. Everyone else does. Listen, just be good to Thad, okay?”

  I stayed quiet.

  “Is there someone back home?” she asked sharply.

  “No.”

  “You answered fast. Are you sure?”

  “Positive. I have this funny thing about height. I don’t like guys shorter than me, which ruled out most of the school. Plus, most guys had issues with dating a girl who towered over them, especially if I wore heels.” And the rest looked at me differently after Matt, and I had issues with that.

  She snorted. “I bet you just intimidated the heck out of them.” Then her eyes gleamed. “But Thad’s taller than you. Or hadn’t you noticed?”

  “I noticed,” I admitted.

  “That’s what I thought.” Natalie grinned. “Like I said, be good to him. Don’t break his heart.”

  “Please.” I rolled my eyes, but Natalie didn’t laugh.

  “I’m serious,” she said quietly. “He’s a good guy.”

  Good guys are dangerous, because you can’t tell when they’re being bad. I knew that firsthand. Lost in thought, I curled up under my thin sheet, absently wishing I had socks and pulling on my skirt. The micro-mini wrap seemed determined to shrink at every opportunity.

  Frowning, Natalie sat up and studied my face in the dim light. “Haven’t you ever had a serious boyfriend?”

  “Not really.”

  “Either you have or you haven’t.” She sounded Em-direct. “Which is it?”

  I sighed. “There was this one guy. Matt Kilwin. He was two years older, and hotter than the sun. I’m talking tall, rocking bod, the whole works. The summer before my sophomore year, we hung out.” I flashed back to buried memories.

  “Did you love him?” Natalie asked, curious.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I didn’t know him well enough to love him. Talking to Matt was like talking to a mannequin. Or maybe he was so good-looking I couldn’t think of anything to say,” I admitted. “Anyway, we didn’t do much talking. Em called it the ‘summer movie-make-out marathon.’” I smiled, but the memory stung. My mind had already leaped ahead—to Stacia. Five feet of cheer captain fury, leveled at me.

  “What happened?” Natalie prompted.

  “The girlfriend he’d supposedly broken up with came back from her summer in Spain. They got back together, if they were ever apart. She told everyone I’d tried to steal Matt by sleeping with him—which was so not true, all we did was kiss—but the truth didn’t matter.” My sophomore fall was a total nightmare. Clumps of senior girls, whispering in the halls. Six-foot slut. Amazon whore. Who does she think she is? Matt Kilwin! I closed my eyes to the memories. Matt was forgettable; it was the Stacia fallout that was tough to erase.

  “Witch. What did Matt do?”

  “Played football, got voted Best-Looking.”<
br />
  “No, I mean did he stick up for you? No, of course he didn’t; I can tell from your face. What a jerk.” Natalie shook her head, then smiled. “Hey, got you something.” She pointed to the table, where a folded cloth lay beside the gourd pitcher. “Shorts. You pull on your skirt every five seconds, and I figured you’d be more comfortable in shorts.” She shrugged. “Most of us just wrap the skirt tight enough so we don’t flash anyone, and to be honest, after a few weeks here, you really don’t care. But then again, I’m only five foot three.”

  A lump had formed in my throat, but Natalie was still talking, in that same rapid-fire pace I’d noticed her use when she was explaining island business. “We’re low on shorts right now, but seeing as you’re taller than most of the guys, I guarantee no one will care. Everyone wears what fits them best.” Now her smile turned mischievous. “And it’s better than a loincloth. They’re worse than the skirts.”

  I hugged Natalie tight, so overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness that a thank-you seemed insufficient. But it was all I had.

  “You’re welcome. Now go change,” Natalie said, breaking our hug. “I know this pair will fit.” Without pausing, her voice softened. “They were Kevin’s.”

  Of course they fit perfectly.

  We talked until we grew sleepy. Being with Natalie was like being with Em, like a slice of home on Nil. And yet it was Nil, and Thad was never far from my thoughts. I felt something with him I’d never felt with any boy, ever, even Matt Kilwin. Especially Matt Kilwin.

  You do this often? I’d teased Thad after he’d showed me the green flash. Never, he’d answered, sounding surprised himself.

  Natalie was right. Thad was a good guy.

  Dang it, I thought. I should’ve kissed him.

  I’d just dozed off when Natalie’s voice crept through the darkness.

  “France,” she said quietly. “I just remembered. Sabine was from France.”

  CHAPTER

  21

  THAD

  DAY 280, DAWN

  I’d risen before the sun, eager to see Charley. But so far, I was the only one up.

  It was just me and hundreds of faceless names on the Wall. I thought about the skull Charley had found. Maybe it belonged to someone on this Wall, maybe not. No necklace, no clue, Rives had reported last night. Maybe he was a loner, maybe he was before our time. The skull was as clean as the skeleton in my science lab. I don’t know if he got a cross on the Wall, but he got one back at the Bay.